In March 2025, I noticed the extremely entertaining Drag: The Musical off Broadway in New York Metropolis. I hope I’m not spoiling something by saying this: by the top of the present, one of many queer characters is revealed to have secretly amassed a fortune—and that wealth finally ends up resolving a serious battle of the present.
It obtained me pondering: Why am I accumulating wealth?
I’ve beforehand written about how my husband and I are residing childless by alternative. If we die with a big nest egg, there shall be some very appreciative charities. So, why do I really feel such a robust drive to build up? I imagine it stems from a shortage mindset formed by my queer id.
We frequently affiliate the shortage mindset with immigrant experiences. However I imagine an identical mindset can emerge from rising up queer.
Figuring out as queer means current as a minority. Even with rising acceptance, we nonetheless face danger—discrimination, job insecurity, or household rejection. Latest polling reveals that greater than 1 in 4 Gen Z adults determine as LGBTQ+, however the quantity stays about 10% throughout all adults. Whatever the precise determine, queerness often comes with marginalization, and the concern of discrimination can gas monetary anxiousness. As extra adults would possibly determine as LGBTQ+ sooner or later, the queer shortage mindset might have an effect on extra individuals than ever earlier than. That’s why it’s essential to look at the roots of the shortage mindset and think about what we are able to do to problem and dismantle it.
Rising Up Queer: The Origins of Shortage
Childhood Perfectionism
I just lately rediscovered a journal of mine from second grade. Each week, our instructor gave awards for “citizenship,” “teachers,” or “sportsmanship,” and each week, I might write with both pleasure or disappointment on whether or not I received. That early competitiveness adopted me via faculty.
Trying again, I notice my drive for tutorial excellence wasn’t simply ambition—it was survival. I needed my mother and father to be pleased with me, even when they finally found I used to be homosexual. If I couldn’t be liked unconditionally, perhaps I might be liked for my educational success.
This isn’t simply my story. Many queer kids expertise what is called the Greatest Little Boy within the World syndrome—a strain to overachieve to compensate for a hid id. A 2013 research discovered that this tendency to realize could be a discovered technique, a solution to deflect consideration from stigma and guarantee worth in a world that may not settle for you.
Worry of Being Disowned or Disinherited
As a young person, I stayed firmly within the closet—not as a result of my mother and father have been unkind, however as a result of I feared shedding all the things: dwelling, assist, love. In an ironic coincidence, my mom finally discovered a pamphlet in my backpack titled Find out how to Come Out to Your Dad and mom, and the key was out.
I used to be fortunate. My mother and father didn’t kick me out of the house. However many LGBTQ+ youth usually are not so lucky. A conservative estimate means that 320,000-400,000 LGBTQ+ youths face homelessness yearly.
The concern of shedding all the things can stick with you, even when it doesn’t come true.
Extra data right here:
Do I Have to Come Out of the Closet to My Sufferers?
Current-Day Shortage
Many queer adults concern job loss or office discrimination. I’ve been lucky to work in environments the place I might be out. However not everyone seems to be so fortunate.
Whereas this concern persists no matter who’s within the Oval Workplace, the political local weather can definitely worsen it. Latest headlines have highlighted considerations from LGBTQ+ federal staff below new govt orders rolling again variety protections.
And it isn’t simply queer physicians who might really feel below risk—it’s also these doing analysis or look after the queer or queer-adjacent group. I’ve a pricey buddy who has devoted her life to public well being and worldwide help, notably in offering immunizations and HIV/AIDS care. She just lately knowledgeable me that she’s going to lose her job on the finish of 2025 and might want to discover new work. That breaks my coronary heart—not just for her (a straight girl, married with two fantastic kids) however for the worldwide well being group.
Future Shortage: Ageing With out Youngsters
Many queer individuals do have kids, and a few hope to depend on them in previous age. However others—like my husband and me—reside childfree, by alternative or circumstance. With out grownup kids to assist us as we age, we’d really feel strain to avoid wasting extra—for long-term care, personal aides, and even personal monetary administration if we develop into incapacitated.
I’ve beforehand written about my father’s long-term care insurance coverage coverage and the way it satisfied me to self-insure. However I nonetheless fear: if one thing occurs to my husband AND me, who will handle our funds?
Extra data right here:
The Many Completely different Sorts of Wealth
Breaking Free from the Shortage Mindset
Shortage is a strong drive—nevertheless it’s not an unchangeable one. Listed here are methods which have helped me.
#1 Construct Your Nest Egg Early
If you happen to fear about your future, begin saving now. Because the saying goes, one of the best time to take a position was 20 years in the past; the second-best time is now.
Don’t attempt to time the market. Simply automate your investing with each paycheck. Dr. Jim Dahle, WCI’s founder, typically recommends saving 20% of gross earnings for retirement. However in the event you can, save extra. My husband and I intention for a 30%-40% financial savings fee. That provides us flexibility if our careers are minimize brief or if we need to retire early.
As Mr. Cash Mustache famously identified, the upper your financial savings fee, the quicker you possibly can retire. Why? Since you save extra and also you practice your self to reside on much less, lowering the quantity you’ll finally must retire.
#2 Go to Remedy
My mom used to say, “Everybody wants a very good shrink.” Remedy might help you:
- Shift your perspective—monetary, skilled, or private.
- Determine the foundation causes of your shortage mindset.
- Problem limiting beliefs.
- Strengthen self-worth.
- Scale back stress and anxiousness.
- Enhance decision-making.
- Foster a development mindset.
Distant remedy is now simpler than ever. You’ll be able to select from nationwide platforms or work with native therapists providing on-line classes. For instance, lots of my sufferers in Reno see licensed therapists primarily based in Las Vegas, due to telehealth. My shortage mindset reveals up as ongoing perfectionism—particularly in how I write medical notes, which regularly take too lengthy after clinic hours and minimize into time with my household. My therapist helps me discover a stability between writing thorough, skilled notes and letting go of the perfectionism that drives me to overdo them.
#3 Follow Radical Gratitude
Burnout can threaten our profession longevity and our monetary targets.
A 12 months or two in the past, I felt near burnout. One night time whereas taking name from dwelling, I spoke with the ER and hung up. My husband stated, “You have been form of imply on that decision.” He was proper—I used to be exhausted and irritable. I wasn’t residing as much as my self-proclaimed title of the “pleasant neighborhood nephrologist.”
So, I modified my strategy. I began each middle-of-the-night name with appreciation: “Thanks for working the night time shift. How can I show you how to?” I thanked nurses, techs, transportation workers, everybody.
Did the work change? No. However my expertise of the work modified. Gratitude reworked the work setting inside my thoughts, and it stored burnout at bay.
#4 Give Cash Away
Giving cash away might sound counterintuitive when you’re anxious about not having sufficient. However generosity cultivates an abundance mindset.
Charitable giving additionally builds group. My husband and I donated to an area theater after which attended an occasion hosted by that theater, the place we found a neighbor was additionally a donor—it strengthened our bond.
You don’t want to provide thousands and thousands. A named hospital room may cost $10,000, however it could construct legacy, popularity, and pleasure.
Or give quietly. In the future at a dialysis clinic, I observed a technician consuming solely a granola bar for lunch. I didn’t know if it was weight-reduction plan or desperation. The subsequent day, I purchased lunch for the entire clinic. Everybody was grateful. Nobody wanted to know why I did it.
The Backside Line
Life isn’t at all times a Broadway musical and also you won’t have a fairy godmother coming to rescue your funds, so it’s good to be your personal hero. If a shortage mindset has formed the way you see cash, safety, or success, you aren’t alone. Whether or not it stems from being queer, an immigrant, or just a product of inauspicious circumstances, I hope these concepts show you how to transfer towards a extra considerable, safe, and peaceable future. And if this resonates with you, be happy to depart a remark or share your story.
What do you suppose? Have you ever skilled or are you continue to experiencing a shortage mindset? How have you ever handled it?
